A funny story request!

So, I've gotten a request from my biggest fan for a funny story.  I'd like to share the one I call "The Tootsie Roll and the old man"  ....One day, while living in Chapel Hill, NC, Mike and I went to lunch at the Whole Foods Market.  When we were pulling up into the parking space, there was a little old man who decided that he would lean his shopping cart on my car hood since he didn't want to walk it to where the carts go.  So when I got out, Mike says "are you coming babe"?  and I say, "well I'm going to move this F'n cart first since it was leaned on the car" and I moved the cart while giving a frownie face to the old man.  So....fast forward to after lunch.  Mike had left before me and so I was leaving on my own.  When I approached my car, I saw a little white thing sticking out of the door handle.  It appeared to be a note or a kleenex or something.  As I walked closer, I was able to see that it was a Kleenex and that it had something in it that seemed to be gum or a Tootsie roll or something.  So I think to myself "Damned Kids", threw it on the passengers seat to throw away once I got to the book store, and got in to start the car.  Now, as I cruised about my merry way over the speed bumps in the parking lot, I realized that there was a horrific odor coming from the Tootsie package.  I pulled over slightly out of the flow of traffic to inspect it more closely only to find that ALAS!!!! It was in fact A TURD!!!! Oh My God!  Help Meeeee!  So the best I can figure folks is to not upset little old men in the south by dropping the F-bomb as a southern belle, because you might just get a little Tootsie roll in the door of your car as a result!  AUGH!!! Have a good night!